Time In a Bottle

One of my favorite songs is Time In A Bottle, by Jim Croce. To me it represents that secret wish within most people, certainly within myself, to either stop or slow time down so that we are able to enjoy something or someone we love just a little while longer. That for just a little bit more time, we don't have to let go, and lose what has become so precious to us. It's a nice thought, but not overly practical or realistic, and sometimes, can become detrimental, if you allow that wish to keep you in a place you were never meant to stay. You begin to hope that what you want will come to pass. That life can be different, better. It can begin to consume you, and eventually, unchecked, it can and will cause damage. Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life". I've thought about that alot. It resonates within my spirit and soul. I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the last few years, manifesting itself in various ways, and degrees of severity. In this last six months or so, I've begun to see a connection between that and my constant hope for something different than what I'd been dealt in life. I've been hoping for something to change around me, to fix how I feel inside me. Because of that, I didn't really think that the scripture was appropriate to what I was needing an answer for. But it is, and here's why.
The THINGS I have been hoping to hold onto, or not wanting to let go of may not be a "right" kind of hope, and may not be the kind of hope God meant in that verse, but the REASON for my holding so tightly to them is! He created us in His image. He is love. He created me to love, and to be loved. The "why" behind that false hope was a very real desire to know that I am loved and cherished, just for who I am, not for what I do for others or if I always please them or not. So then I started thinking about the second half of the verse: "a desire fulfilled is a tree of life". I began to see that the "real" hope that has been deferred all these years is to have a whole heart. To not stay in the place of broken-heartedness that began with my earthly father's rejection of me, and was never healed. It brought to my memory the scripture that says Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted, and one that says His grace is sufficient for me. So now, at long last, I think I'm finally starting to understand that I don't need to hold onto a certain time, or place, or person to find love, and see that wound finally healed. He's here whenever I'm ready to let Him do what He does best, heal the brokenhearted, by loving me, just as I am, no requirements, even when I do something stupid. It has always been His will for me to know I'm loved! As a present and personal reminder of that fact, I got my most recent tattoo. It's the scripture Romans 5:8, which says that God commended His love towards us, that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. It helps to remind me every day that someone has always, and will always, love me, no matter what. It reminds me that He doesn't leave me with hope deferred and a sick heart, and I think that's pretty stinkin awesome!

Step By Step

Step by Step
Step one... Ignore the thoughts that make you feel, convince yourself it can't be real.
Step two... React in rage instead of pain, you've already lost what you thought you had gained.
Step three... Let's cut a deal, i just need a small part, to make complete this half a heart.
Step four... "There's light at the end of the tunnel", they say,  but I'm lost in the darkness and can't find the way.
Step five... Understanding it's different now, but best, I'll take one step forward... and have faith for the rest. 

Doing It Different

 A very well known expression goes "a picture is worth a thousand words".  I believe that a picture can lead to a thousand words.  Case in point is an engagement photo a friend showed me yesterday that truly is the most awkward one of its kind that I have ever seen.  Both the picture and the conversation that followed the viewing helped to spark my inspiration for this blog.  Fast forward to earlier today, I was asking a young lady how she likes her new school, and she proceeded to tell me she hated it, in large part due to the amount of "hippsters" that attend there.  If you, like me, are not up on the teenage lingo, "hippsters" is basically a wannabe hippy for the 2000's.  Between the engagement picture and the conversations, I started to reflect on what seems to be an obsession with the human species to be "different" or "alternative".  So many people go to great lengths trying not be anything like anyone else.   Goth, Emo, Preps, Hippsters, Bod Mod, Grunge, Punk, and Gangsta, just to name a few.  Look at television.  The majority of shows are now some style of "reality" entertainment, with the goal of the participants to be the most well known for being or doing something different.  Entire personalities are made up for the purpose of being an original, completely unique.   The problem is that while everyone is so busy striving to be different, they are doing the exact same thing as probably millions of other people!  Their methods may vary, but the goal is the same.  They end up being so alike in their "difference" that they are a boring replica nobody wants to know for very long.
 I read in the bible in Genesis 1:27 that God created man and woman in His own image.  He's made us in the image of perfection, and we are doing what...trying to "improve" on that, so that we can stand out from the crowd?!  From that first moment, He gave us everything we need to have a life of success, fulfillment, and love!  The reason those titles, and all the outside airs that go with them, don't work for us, or give us what we feel is missing, is because they are gimmicks!  Sad imitations of what we were actually made to be.  The most interesting and memorable people I know, the ones I always prefer to spend time with, are the ones who don't make any effort to be different so they'll be seen differently.  They behave like nothing other than what they were made to be, the image of God.  They live their lives with humor, love, compassion, passion, excitement, and so much more!  It is through this unaffected effort on their that the qualities that God gave them that make them truly unique become apparent to anyone with eyes to see.  Let's do something truly different!  Let's  actually be ourselves, and let other people see that we are worth taking the time to get to know, just as we are!

Smelling the roses...

Well, I've gone and done it now.  A good friend recently told me I should get in on this craze known as blogging, and since I value her opinion, I appreciate that she would be interested in what I might have to say, and I genuinely enjoy writing, I decided to follow her advice.  So here I am.  It's my first blog post, and much like the theory that many have about the first year of marriage being the hardest,  I find that the first post is the hardest.  I am not one to find myself at a loss for words very often, but trying to think of something worthwhile to write here has been surprisingly tough.  I choose to think, however, that as time goes by, and more blogs are added to the first, it will come easier.  I don't know who all will read the words that I write, or what I want for people to get out of it, myself included.  I suppose it will be a journey of sorts, and so there you find part of the reason for the name of my blog.   The journey of life can be exciting, crazy, frantic, stressful, and fun.  It is all of that and more.  At times its pace allows us to do little more than hang on for the ride, but one thing that can always be found, in every stage and circumstance of life, is beauty.  One thing I find beautiful is poetry, both the reading and writing of it.  It is the expression of what a person sees, feels, believes, experiences, and discovers.  It is not just "roses are red, violets are blue".  Maybe what you're going to get from this blog is a chance to see the poetry of my life, good, bad, and everything in between.  Hopefully, we can learn together to "stop and smell the roses".